Wow... What an incredible feeling... I am in the hospital now, getting my last chemo treatments... Let me repeat that... I am getting my LAST chemo treatments. This chapter of my life is hopefully coming to end, and i have to say it is very emotionally overwhellming.
The most incredible feeling was yesterday, when my doctor informed of his plan to harvest and freeze some of my stem cells in off chance I get a recurrance of this dissease. This way, should i need a bone marrow transplant, I would be able to be my own donor. I mean how cool is that? Amazing what is possible these days with medical technology. But the most incredible thing for me was that it directly addresses something that was begining to creep up --What happens if it comes back? I mean beyond the bravado, about kicking cancers ass, and killing leukemia, kicking ass and taking names, is the very real and ever present thought about what happens if this comes back? This plan that my docs are formulating really does go a very long way of aleviating that for me. They have come up with contingency plan for me, that we hope and expect to never use, but there is no way i can describe how reassuring it is to have it there.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I don't understand...
Wait... something went smoother than expected? This doesn't compute...
Well this is exactly what happened! I managed to get through this latest round of chemotherapy without having to be bounced back to the hospital. I have been out of the hospital for 2 entire weeks and feels like an eternity. Turns out it is a pretty tough job keeping yourself at home. I had to go the outpatient clinic everyday for 7 straight weekdays. There they were able to manage my low blood counts, by giving me a few transfusions of platelets and blood to top me off until my body started making its own again. I was able to avoid any infections while my immune system was nonexistent, by staying sequestered at home for a week, and taking some antibiotics -just in case. And there we go! thats all you need to do! The problem with this strategy is that ended up spending so much time on my old worn out couch that I ended up with some pretty bad back spasms. To add insult to injury, the only thing that I could take for it was Tylenol because my blood was so thin. Anything else would end up thinning the blood more and put me at risk for bleeding. But with a lot of Tylenol and heating pads I got through it :)
By the time Friday rolled around, my immune system had recovered and the magnitude of this accomplishment had begin to set in. For the first time since this ordeal began in January something went soothly. Not just smoothly, even better than expected. After every round of chemotherapy you have to expect to spend a few days in the hospital. Most people pick up some sort of infection while they there immune system is compromised. But nope... not me this time. No cardiac issues, no nose bleeds or bruising, no trips to the emergency room, no drains or tubes, and most importantly no intensive care... (knock on wood)
This weekend, it really started to sink in that this act of my 'adventure' starting to draw to its conclusion. I am very aware that there is still a long road for me to go after this, but the anticipation of being done with chemotherapy is starting to sink in. Just one more round. I will be free to plan things as I wish, not trying to fit things in between hospital stays, not trying to anticipate when my blood counts will tank, or worry about the guy who just sneezed near you. I will be free to live my life without having Leukemia as its centerpiece. Its impossible to fully describe, but a giant weight is in the process of being lifted off my shoulders.
In about a month, I will have my life back. Wow... That is something that is very hard to understand right now...
Well this is exactly what happened! I managed to get through this latest round of chemotherapy without having to be bounced back to the hospital. I have been out of the hospital for 2 entire weeks and feels like an eternity. Turns out it is a pretty tough job keeping yourself at home. I had to go the outpatient clinic everyday for 7 straight weekdays. There they were able to manage my low blood counts, by giving me a few transfusions of platelets and blood to top me off until my body started making its own again. I was able to avoid any infections while my immune system was nonexistent, by staying sequestered at home for a week, and taking some antibiotics -just in case. And there we go! thats all you need to do! The problem with this strategy is that ended up spending so much time on my old worn out couch that I ended up with some pretty bad back spasms. To add insult to injury, the only thing that I could take for it was Tylenol because my blood was so thin. Anything else would end up thinning the blood more and put me at risk for bleeding. But with a lot of Tylenol and heating pads I got through it :)
By the time Friday rolled around, my immune system had recovered and the magnitude of this accomplishment had begin to set in. For the first time since this ordeal began in January something went soothly. Not just smoothly, even better than expected. After every round of chemotherapy you have to expect to spend a few days in the hospital. Most people pick up some sort of infection while they there immune system is compromised. But nope... not me this time. No cardiac issues, no nose bleeds or bruising, no trips to the emergency room, no drains or tubes, and most importantly no intensive care... (knock on wood)
This weekend, it really started to sink in that this act of my 'adventure' starting to draw to its conclusion. I am very aware that there is still a long road for me to go after this, but the anticipation of being done with chemotherapy is starting to sink in. Just one more round. I will be free to plan things as I wish, not trying to fit things in between hospital stays, not trying to anticipate when my blood counts will tank, or worry about the guy who just sneezed near you. I will be free to live my life without having Leukemia as its centerpiece. Its impossible to fully describe, but a giant weight is in the process of being lifted off my shoulders.
In about a month, I will have my life back. Wow... That is something that is very hard to understand right now...
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Heading onto the finishing straight....
In watching the Kentucky Derby yesterday evening, I couldn't help but see a parallel to my journey. Right now I am starting to see the finish line of my own race. I am starting to come around the last turn, and heading onto the finishing straight. As this chemo cycle draws to a close, I am finally allowing myself to look a little further ahead, beyond being a Leukemia patient, beyond the next chemo cycle. I haven't let myself look to far ahead though, since my journey around this track has been anything but smooth, but for the first time I can start to see a light at the end of this tunnel.
There really is a certain sense of relief and excitement to start to think about the end. For weeks I have been thinking how I can't wait to get my life back. But what is starting to dawn on me is that I am not really sure what my life is going to be like when I get done with this. This disease has been so far in the forefront of my life, has woven its way into every single one of my activities, it is really hard to imagine it not being there. I have sort of developed a dependence on the leukemia, it has been really the only thing I have allowed myself to really focus on. It really is going to be odd to not have this foe to focus on and direct your energies toward. But I most definitely relish that challenge :) of starting new and fresh in a few weeks time.
But for now, I still have some more work to do. I have 2 more doses of chemotherapy to get, tonight and tomorrow morning, before I get sent home. I still have to ride out the nader from this cycle, and I still have to get myself to the last round without complications in a few weeks time.
But it really is nice to start to allow yourself to think beyond being a leukemia patient. Just not too much... Yet...
There really is a certain sense of relief and excitement to start to think about the end. For weeks I have been thinking how I can't wait to get my life back. But what is starting to dawn on me is that I am not really sure what my life is going to be like when I get done with this. This disease has been so far in the forefront of my life, has woven its way into every single one of my activities, it is really hard to imagine it not being there. I have sort of developed a dependence on the leukemia, it has been really the only thing I have allowed myself to really focus on. It really is going to be odd to not have this foe to focus on and direct your energies toward. But I most definitely relish that challenge :) of starting new and fresh in a few weeks time.
But for now, I still have some more work to do. I have 2 more doses of chemotherapy to get, tonight and tomorrow morning, before I get sent home. I still have to ride out the nader from this cycle, and I still have to get myself to the last round without complications in a few weeks time.
But it really is nice to start to allow yourself to think beyond being a leukemia patient. Just not too much... Yet...
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