Wow... What a difference blood makes...

Well yesterday afternoon I received 2 units of blood, and today I feel like a whole new person. I have some energy, feel alert, don't quite feel good enough to run a marathon, but a few laps of the 5th floor are definitely in my future. Things seem to be going very well and doctors are really well. My blood seems to be clotting normally which in turn indicates a very low amount of leukemic cells.

It really seems that this week is the one where I start to get stir crazy. There really is nothing to do but wait for my body to respond. No more counting down procedures. No more anticipating the next chemo treatment. This is really the first morning where I am actually thinking of what life is on the outside of my fifth floor penitentiary. Could that be in future soon?

The roller coaster continues...

In terms of energy, yesterday was awesome... I felt great... today is another story. When the nurse came in at shift change to check up on me, she was stunned that I was still asleep. Normally, I would've been up and about and ready for my day... today... not so much... Simply sitting in my chair and thinking of what to write is pretty exhausting...

Later today, I will be getting my first blood transfusion, which really should help with the fatigue a bunch. So who knows... in a few hours I might be ready to run a few laps of the 5th floor :)

Things are right on track...

Yesterday was a bit tough when it comes to the fatigue... I was definitely pretty out of it for most of the day. Appetite seems to be really good for chemo standards. The one thing is that is really interesting is that it really does dull the tastes buds (which doesnt help the dull hospital food) luckily i have awesome friends that are always willing to smuggle me in some food from the outside world.

The doctor came in yesterday just to chat and talk about how things were progressing... and the news is very good... I am right on track.... My white blood cell count are dropping as we want them too and all other factors that they are looking at right where you would expect them to be for this time in treatment.

I just everyone to know that sometimes it might seem that I am bit down, nothing could be further from the truth. My optimism just might have a little bit of trouble showing through the waves of fatigue that I go through. Thank you so much for all the positive thoughts messages, and emails! I know I haven't responded to all of them. But I promise you that I read all of them, and they all warm my heart :) I will get back to all of them! I promise :)

Over the last few days I have been fantasizing about an Office Space type demolition of this IV stand and pumps that have followed me around for the past week... I will plot my revenge for your tubes tangling, power cord tripping, useless battery, endless beeping, constant whirring... I will have the last word in this, but in the mean time thanks for helping me beat cancer :)

Last day of chemo on deck!

Well this is it for this round... I get my last dose of chemo for a few weeks later today... Honestly though, considering how I have been tolerating it seems a bit anticlimactic. They are gonna come in here at around 3 and hang a bag of sweet and sour sauce looking stuff... It's gonna work its way into my vein and then go on with the rest of my day... The thing is with this stuff is that is the cumulative effect. My blood counts are dropping (Yay!). Most likely they are gonna give me a blood transfusion tomorrow to compensate for my falling red blood cell counts...

Yesterday was really really cool. Victor came by and spent pretty much all day hanging out until his wife picked him up after work and made him go home. I really did have that sorta flashback to times when you were a kid and you got dropped off at your friends house and picked up later in the day... :) although we never get around to stomping in a creek yesterday. Maybe we will get around to it today when he swings by.

In the evening Han and Linda came by to watch the caps dominate the penguins using the sling box Han installed the night before... Elaine and her booooooooooooooooyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyffffffffffrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeennnnnnnddddddddddd came by and gave me this awesome model BMW M3 :) Funny how the car world and cancer world are intertwined :)

One Week....

Funny, I just realized today is Thursday. I have been now in the hospital now a whole week. I mean i cant really say that this week has flown by, but it for sure hasn't dragged on, thanks to the constant stream of visitors that come by.

Right now I really do consider myself really really lucky. I don't seem to have any of the legendary side effects that you hear about with chemo -no nausea, no hair loss (actually my hair seems to have a very nice sheen to it with help from all the fluids they are giving me).

The thing what is really stunning is how much fatigue sets in from the chemo. You just feel like you are functioning in slow motion all day... I was watching an episode of Scrubs on Hulu yesterday, and it really did feel like it was taxing my brain.

There seems to be a bit of a pattern to this for me. The full effect of the chemo dose doesn't seem to hit me until 36 hrs after I receive it.

Just thought I would share a funny Ching story again. He happened to be there as I needed to get blood drawn. Since i have central line this is nothing... no needles no stabbing... just pretty much just suck the blood out of my arm like a vampire and we are done. Ching again started squirming in his seat looking pale and counting holes in the ceiling tiles... My nurse Stephanie looks over at him, and asks him if he is ok, and if he needs anything? Ching... get it together.... :)

Plugging along....

Really that is all that there is to do right now... I get my third dose of the chemo later today, which I seem to be super lucky to tolerate fairly well. I might be in for one more dose on Friday, it all depends on what my values look like.

Yesterday was the first day I actually crawled into bed during the day. I have been stubbornly staying away from it during the daytime, in an effort to keep as 'normal' a schedule as possible.

Along with my folks who came by earlier in the afternoon Becky and Jennifer dropped by this evening after work, which really helped to break up the day.

It really is amazing how things really start to slow down for you as the treatment works its magic. I really does take some mental Jujitsu to convince yourself that the worse you are feeling the better you are getting :)

Well thats all I have got on deck for now... but i am never far away from my laptop :)

Ah yes... here comes the first wall...

As soon as I got up yesterday morning, I could tell today was gonna be different. And from what I guessing the next few days are gonna be more of the same. Yesterday morning was the first time i really felt the chemo starting to kick in. I had no energy, sort of felt like i was in that morning fog you have every morning, but this one doesn't seem to want to go away with a cup of starbucks that my mom smuggles in for me. The other thing, is that my appetite is totally gone. Not much seems appetizing anymore.

It kind of seems like yesterday was a transition day. During my first few days post diagnosis, I honestly seemed somewhat high, my brain was pumping out endorphins, like no ones business, prepping me for what is ahead. This really seems like an amazing thing. By doing this, it really seemed to have short-circuited any real feelings of fear and anxiety. I could easily imagine such stunning diagnosis be so daunting and intimidating that without this flood of endorphines you could be easily feel overwhelmed by the road that is ahead of you. It is pretty clear that I am now prepping for a long haul here. Sorry guys, as sports fan i feel an irresistable urge to insert a sports cliche here... This a marathon not a sprint.

Jacques and Elodie were my first visitors of the day. It was really great to see them. Jacques walks into the room and proudly pulls off his hat to show me his newly shaved head. Grinning from ear to ear, I had to inform that the doctors do not expect me to lose my hair (I might lose some, but since I still seem to have plenty that shouldn't be a problem -knock on wood). Jacques I totally love the gesture, and it brings a huge smile to my face just thinking about it :)

My parents came by shortly after, bringing me more news from my family back in Europe calling and and checking up on me. Elaine, Tina, Eric and April came by and brought me and awesome cork board, and some funny pictures. Between the four of them they couldn't find a way to hang it up, we will cross that bridge later :).

Annick came by and brought a ton of books and game of Presidential Scrabble, took me a while to realize this, but what she was really doing is bringing me a game where she could kick my ass in -way to go Annick, way to pad your ego on beating up on a cancer patient :).

Bill, Ching, and Fed showed up later in the evening and we spent a few hours just chatting and laughing.

And somewhere in between that whole day, I received my second dose of chemo. It really is amazing how that really isn't the biggest thing happened to me yesterday.... Thanks guys! I love you all!

So much for my diet book idea...

They just weighed me this morning and managed to put on 4lbs in one day... all of it water weight... now that is impressive.... So I do see see a dose of lasiks in my future (this stuff makes you piss like a racehorse every 10 min about)... So I don't think that I am gonna wander too far away from my bathroom today.

Yesterday evening came the news that I am officially considered Neutropenic, meaning that I have a low white cell count and am susceptible to infection. This is actually exactly what we want. The chemo is supposed to induce this as it takes out the cancer cells... So on one hand it is really cool to see that the treatment is working as it is supposed to, but it is for now an other reality check about how serious this issue is. Now when I leave the room i need to wear a mask. Thats just weird.

Yesterday really was a good day, I had a bunch of visitors. My parents showed up which always brings a huge smile to my face. Nothing like seeing mom and dad when you are sick you know? It really was a well timed day when it comes to visitors... Pretty much as soon as one person left the someone else came. Shalini stopped by and to her credit she really did manage to hold it together (just barely though ;)) seeing me in a hospital gown and tubes coming out of my arm -come to think about it, I can't remember if i was wearing pants then, maybe I was reveling more than I intended and thats what was upsetting her :)

Vanessa swung by a little later all the way from Baltimore and honestly had me riveted with stories of her new kitten. This cat apparently is a total water cat... I have heard of these things before, some cats are just obsessed with water... love to play and swim in it... too funny... Chalk it up to another crazy Vanessa story... seriously I think you should start a blog... you could get rich :)

As I walked back to the room I had the lovely surprise of finding Shonna waiting for me. Kinda sad actually I was supposed to take her brand new baby daughters Scarlett's 2 month pictures this weekend... Unfortunately though something sure did come up didn't it?...

Again I can not thank you people enough for all the positive vibes, thoughts and prayers that are being leveled in my direction... I love you all!

Wooohoo! first dose of chemo is behind me!

I was initially supposed to get the chemo yesterday morning, but the doctors wanted to double check the placement of the central line. Had to wait on a chest xray to be done. Once we got the green light, to proceed 2 nurses arrived with my IV of chemo -finally getting this show on the road. Both nurses go there double check protocol (very impressive btw) my nurse stops, and walks out. After a few minutes she walks back in and explained to me that pharmacy screwed up. Somehow they didn't read the complete orders from the Doctor and use the correct multipliers used to calculate the dose. They had calculated 25 mg when it should have been 24 mg. Doesn't seem like much, but that amounts to 6% more than was ordered, and this isn't exactly Tylenol.

In the mean time while I wait, i got a whole bunch of visitors. Ching came by, saw the tubes coming out of my arm and just about passed out... seriously he turned whiter than me. I was trying to explain to the really cool procedure they did inserting the central line, i can tell that he looking for safe place to hurl. So i stop :).

Jacques, Kevin, Han, and Linda all stopped by shortly after so we had pretty cool party (by chemo-ward standards) Linda bought me this awesome Caps fleece blanket, and Han is gonna look into getting me a slingbox so that I can watch the Caps during my confinement (TV selection is rather limited here).

Everyone but Kevin had left when they finally arrived with my chemo at about 5 or so. They hooked up this baggy of Idarubicin which looks exactly like sweet and sour sauce. I have to say i was really nervous watching this stuff works its way through my IV lines. Almost expecting a cataclysmic reaction once orange stuff reached my arm. But the whole bag went down with no reaction. Awesome I survived.

Today i woke up feeling pretty good, definitely less hungry and feeling a little less energy than i have had in the past few days. So i guess the chemo is starting to do its job. But the one thing it hasn't touched it is my spirit, and certainty that i am gonna get through this.

Chemo day...

Wow... this morning i will get my first dose of three doses of chemo this round of treatment.... in a way i am somewhat anxious to get it, because i kinda want to get this show on the road. Also i think part of still doesnt really know i am sick... the only symptom i have is the easy bruising... other than that, i feel fine. It is really weird to be very sick and not feel it.

Ummm what???

That really was my reaction.... once I heard the doctor say you have leukemia.

Let’s rewind a bit and start at the beginning.

For about 2 weeks I noticed that I was picking up bruises left and right. Everything I leaned on seemed to leave a mark. Finally the last straw was when spent a few hours working on my piece of shit car trying to get it run right. 2 important things happened then cluing me in that something was wrong. First, for part of the work I had to work up under the dash of the car. For about 15 min I was on my side, with my head in the car and my legs outside with my rib cage resting on the rocker of the car. The next morning I woke up, with 3 HUGE and VERY dark bruises on my ribcage. It honestly looked like I had gotten the crap kicked out me. What was really weird there was no real pain... just looked incredibly painful.

The second thing that happened was that while I was wrenching away on my car, I must've cut my finger. Honestly I didn't even notice it had happened, until I looked at my hand and saw my whole hand and palm covered with blood. It was everywhere, on the wrench I was using, dripped on my car, on the driveway. Really disgusting. After washing my hands and doing a damage assessment on my hand, I found the culprit -a tiny 2mm superficial cut on my thumb.

In a way, it is kinda amazing that a car that has the bane of my existence would set in motion a chain of events that would eventually lead to my quick diagnosis.

On Monday, January 11th, on my way into class, I scheduled an appointment an appointment at the University of Maryland. My appointment time was set for 11:30 AM. There was a little of a wait but probably around noon, I went in to see Carolynn. Immediately she noticed that something odd was going on. Actually she kept saying that I was such a fascinating case (it’s most definitely not the most comforting thing to hear a doctor say) She ordered a blood test, ordered me not to leave the building as we waited for the results. Sure enough my platelet count was low. Once she learned that I did have a physician at home and that my mom was a Radiation Oncologist she was confident that I was gonna get the care that I needed to diagnose this future. She did not need to send me to the ER.

Skipping class that afternoon I drove home, calling my physician Dr Howard Goldstein, he made room for me to come in and see him that afternoon. Again here was a physician stunned to see the amount of bruising that have. He drew some blood and looked for signs of swollen lymph nodes, spleen, liver, or any sign of a fever... Nothing... He goes into his office and immediately schedules an appointment with a hematologist for Tuesday afternoon. He sent me home with the explicit instructions that I should treat myself as if I were a boy in a bubble.

The next 24 hours were quite long.... I went to class as I normally would. Of course on my commute to class my cars check engine light pops on (exactly what I needed)...I sat through class but clearly my mind was else were.

230 pm rolls around I head to the doctor (park on the street should be back in time before they start ticketing at 4)... Not going to happen... The doctor was immediately concerned and recommended that we do a bunch of tests to determine what was causing my platelet count drop. He never went into his suspicions about what it could be, but it was clear that he thought it was very serious. So when he gave the choice of going for the bone marrow biopsy that day, I jumped at the chance. I am not a patient person, and waiting 3 days to get only inconclusive test is not a good idea for me. If your gonna make me wait 3 days I better know something conclusive. (The bone marrow procedure was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever gone though... I will spare everyone the gory details, but if you want to just ask and I will gladly share them). I scheduled my follow up appointment Friday, and was settling into a long 3 day wait, when at 1030 AM on Wednesday when my doctor calls and delivers the stunning news... I have Leukemia... words that really suck the air of any room. To be honest... I don't really remember much of the conversation (in my head it really sounded like adults speaking in the Peanuts -waah wahha wahhwah wooannn) only a few words really stuck out... AML, M3, Chemotherapy, and curable (the word curable was somewhat drowned by the moment). I try to get as much information as can fit into thoroughly overwhelmed brain to relay to my mom a recently retired Radiation Oncologist. It was clear that she was gonna take over from now on. I was gonna count on her experience and connections to find the best place for me to get treated. While I was on my home, she was busy calling her former colleagues and we quickly determined that best place for me to get treatment was at George Washington University Hospital where she worked closely with so many people in their oncology departments.

As the day went by... it was becoming more and more clear that my diagnosis was actually a very good one. This subtype of cancer that I have is truly the M3 of leukemia’s. The one you really one you want to have if you have to have a leukemia. The prognosis is very good for a cure, not simply remission. But I am starting this journey the only way that I can -by taking one day at a time.

It is time for me to cut this post off because it becoming clear that I could keep on writing on this topic for ever... my brain is so full of thoughts, feelings and emotions, I could really ramble on forever, but it is really now time to share this with all of you...

This brings me to my last thought.... what has been truly amazing is seeing massive outpouring of support from friends and family... Just the mere thought of what everyone has said, offered or done overwhelms my heart with so much joy and bring tears to my eyes. It really is the most amazing experience to facing such a daunting challenge, and turn around see dozens and dozens of people there walking right behind you as I begin this most unexpected journey. There are no words that do justice to how comforting a feeling that is...

And this blog is dedicated to all of you... Thank you!