Heading onto the finishing straight....

In watching the Kentucky Derby yesterday evening, I couldn't help but see a parallel to my journey. Right now I am starting to see the finish line of my own race. I am starting to come around the last turn, and heading onto the finishing straight. As this chemo cycle draws to a close, I am finally allowing myself to look a little further ahead, beyond being a Leukemia patient, beyond the next chemo cycle. I haven't let myself look to far ahead though, since my journey around this track has been anything but smooth, but for the first time I can start to see a light at the end of this tunnel.

There really is a certain sense of relief and excitement to start to think about the end. For weeks I have been thinking how I can't wait to get my life back. But what is starting to dawn on me is that I am not really sure what my life is going to be like when I get done with this. This disease has been so far in the forefront of my life, has woven its way into every single one of my activities, it is really hard to imagine it not being there. I have sort of developed a dependence on the leukemia, it has been really the only thing I have allowed myself to really focus on. It really is going to be odd to not have this foe to focus on and direct your energies toward. But I most definitely relish that challenge :) of starting new and fresh in a few weeks time.

But for now, I still have some more work to do. I have 2 more doses of chemotherapy to get, tonight and tomorrow morning, before I get sent home. I still have to ride out the nader from this cycle, and I still have to get myself to the last round without complications in a few weeks time.

But it really is nice to start to allow yourself to think beyond being a leukemia patient. Just not too much... Yet...