First post from home

Finally to be home.... I really don't think the whole experience has quite sunk in yet. But there is such a comfort and underlying peacefulness to be back here that is just hard to describe.

The most striking thing to me after my return home was that how incredibly weak i still was. Walking up and down stairs is something that is pretty exhausting. honestly though... that was kinda expected... i mean i hadn't climbed up a vertical step since my hospitalization.

What was most impressive was how little brain power i had left. Watching any sorta drama on tv was way to taxing on brain (let alone the season premier of Lost). My brain had really become just a one way recipient of information. not capable of processing or anything, just simply receiving.

Finally though.. yesterday evening it was almost like someone just turned the light switch on. My brain began to function (at a modest pace ;) but progress nevertheless)

As for what landed me in the ICU, is a condition that is called ATRA syndrome. It is directly related to one of the medications that I am taking treat the APL.

During the now the famous gap in blog postings, i began feeling less and less well. Started have tightness in my chest. Cat scans showed clear lungs, but a cardiac echo showed very small levels of fluid around my heart, nothing serious but would be a definite explanation for my discomfort. The plan was to monitor me closely with an ecg manage my pain and expect the fluid to go away. The next day things went the other direction. Morphine didn't really put much of a dent in the pain, oxycotin did for at least a few hours. During the night my heart rate started going up very high, and my blood pressure was pretty low. Very early Thrusday morning a bunch docs and nurses are running in and out of my room. It is clear that something is going on. I call my parents to tell them to get there ASAP. I text a few friends to make sure that some word in my change in condition is going on and that I am being sent to the ICU.

The first fear was that the small bit of fluid of around my heart had actually grown, and accumulated. That theory was quickly dismissed as an echo actually showed that the fluid was actually decreasing compared to the other day. Briefly they entertained the thought that it might be pneumonia, but very quickly they zeroed in the diagnosis of ATRA syndrome.

Things didnt really change until the middle of the first night. When I was receiving a quick sponge bath. I had to roll over on my side, and at that point, it felt as though i was drowning. I honestly have never ever ever felt such terror in my life. Shortly after that point, it was lights out. I do not remember a thing anymore up until a few days later where they extubated me.

That was one crazy ride, one that I sure hope never have to go through again.

Anyhow.... right now i am totally enjoying being home recovering gaining my strength. Preparing for the next round of chemo which should begin close to the beginning of march give or take a few days.

Thanks for all the emails you have sent me! Love you all!